How Many Times Have I Tried To Tell You?

In the years that we've been trying to tutor you Frappies in the way of sports and life in general, how many times have I told you that activities that don't involve hand/eye coordination are not sports?

I get tired of being right but must press on, perservere, and tell you once again.

I told you so.

Here is yet another debacle involving that vampire "sport" sucking the lifeblood out of American sports, otherwise known as soccer (if one more person corrects me by explaining that it is called football, I'm gonna go Ryan Leaf).

Once again, the predecessor to Hacky Sack has embarassed itself beyond repair. This time a ref pulled out a red card, the players began to act up, and the ref decided to go to his car so he could produce a gun and go John Wayne by firing shots in the air.

Actually, when it comes to soccer, you can take my previous sentence and use it as a typical soccer hooligan incident formula. Something like this:

"This time a _____ pulled out a _____, the _____ began to act up and the _____ decided to go to his _____ so he could produce a _____ and go John Wayne."

I'm going to warn you again. Don't sign up little Jenny or Billy for youth soccer for any reason. But especially for any of the following reasons:

1) There's more action so they (Jenny or Billy) don't get bored.

Why? The next place you'll find yourself is waiting in line at WalGreens for their ritalin prescription. Give them a ball and tell them to throw it at something in the back yard. Tell them to roll around in the dirt for good measure.

2) Their (your) friends are doing it.

Why? If their/your friends jumped off the roof, would you do it?

3) You already have the van.

Why? C'mon man, that one needs no explanation.

4) Soccer is getting more popular.

Why? Because this really means you see yourself as the Beckhams of the block and your wife wants to run around with those huge shades on with a pout and designer juice boxes on the field. Get over yourself and think of the kids.

Yes, I do realize that runon sentences are becoming an issue for me.

No, I do not know what a red card is.

I am rather proud of both of those last two statements.

Story Source

15 and 0, but what about the real story?

The Patriots are 15 and 0. You'd think everyone would want to discuss their place in history, their chances against the Giants and any other postseason foes. Instead, the question posed to every commentator is, "Does going undefeated mean anything to this team?"

This is the ultimate testament to Belichick's players buying into his system. The press is actually unsure of whether or not this team wants to go undefeated. Guess what, folks, it means something. And to all those commentators who claimed that you have to rest your stars once your playoff position is locked up, Belichick is in the process of proving you wrong.

To all you old-school-true-gamers out there, you oughta love this team. They don't mail it in at the end of the season for fear of getting injured, and they play hard every week no matter the opponent. So when the Cowboys and Colts tank this Sunday because Romo and Manning barely see the field, you should be shaking your heads in disgust, thinking, "I wish there were more Belichicks in this league."

Curt Schilling Bugs Me

Since the Mitchell report, we've had plenty of players coming forward and speaking out.  They've talked about their own situations and commented on their fellow players who have been named or spoken out.  And of course, Curt Schilling is no different.  But for some reason, more than any other player, Curt Schilling bugs me.

  

Schilling's most recent comments have been on a variety of players that were named, most notably Roger Clemens.  Essentially, Schilling said Clemens should step up to the plate and speak out if he didn't take steroids, HGH, or whatever it was, or he should be stripped of his records and Cy Young Awards.  Like it's that easy.  

Look, I admire Schilling because he seems pretty confident that he doesn't have anything in his closet to hide.  I have to assume that if a player comes out criticizing and calling for another players awards because of performance enhancing drugs then he's never touched the stuff himself.  But there is a certain level of arrogance and public shame that seems unnecessary in these situations.  And this isn't even the first time Schilling has come out with a bully mentality this year.  If you remember, it wasn't very long ago that Schilling was challenging reporters to test his "bloody sock" to see if the blood was real, putting up a million dollars cash to a charity of their choice if it wasn't.  The catch, of course, was they had to put up a million to give to his charity if it really was blood.  Unfortunately, writer's don't have that type of money lying around and so of course no one stepped up to challenge the man.  The Frappe tried to raise the money, but only came up with 74 dollars and 28 cents.  

All this has me thinking: maybe Schilling does have something to hide.  It's like when I play poker with the Frappe Team and Knowledge Droppings goes all in on the river when it's obvious the river gave him nothing.  It's an immediate tell that Kid Droppings has got squat and I call every time.  I have to wonder if both of these "all in" moves by Schilling are bluffs as well.  The only difference is that he's playing with such high stakes that no one is willing to call.  Anyone know a millionaire interested in publicity?  It'll go to a good cause...   

The Mitchell Report: We would've been so much better off without it

Seriously. Right now, I am hating the Mitchell Report. Clearly, we are in for one confession/denial for every name named. And we can't believe either of them.

The confessions are all following the template that Andy Pettite has set forward: I used HGH, but it was only for [short period of time], and only to recover from an injury. I realized it was not consistent with my moral character, and so I stopped using immediately.

As if for some reason using HGH for a purpose other than to hit homeruns makes it okay. We've yet to see precisely what shape the denials will come in, but I'm sure Roger Clemens will lead the way soon enough.

This Mitchell Report has done nothing good. It's an incomplete list of names, most of whom are no longer in baseball and not headed for the Hall of Fame, rendering them completely irrelevant. Other than a few checks, all of the evidence is based upon the testimony of a couple clubhouse junkies, which I'm sure is based upon truth, but isn't enough to convict anyone.

All this is to say, we would've been better off without this stupid report. And who commissioned it? Bud Selig. Chalk another one up for baseball's commissioner.

The Mitchell Report

The bombshell landed today and the finger pointing is going crazy right now.  ESPN right now is reporting that Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, Barry Bonds, Eric Gagne, and Miguel Tejada have been mentioned in the Mitchell Report.  While I wasn't that hyped to see and hear about who did what, our guest columnist SubversiveTheory certainly was.  Here is a portion of an email I received from ST this morning:

"I told you Clemens was a juicer!  I told you!  It was right in front of everyone and no one wanted to connect the dots except me.  No one is safe from steroid accusations anymore, and this proves it..."

Unfortunately, it appears that SubversiveTheory was right about Roger Clemens, but I don't know if that means no one is safe from steroid allegations any longer.  While there are plenty of players that have taken steroids and HGH and who knows what else (according to this report), there are still plenty of players that haven't, and baseball is taking steps and will continue to take steps to help clean up MLB clubhouses.  Sure, performance enhancing drugs will probably never go away, but at least we know that they will probably be less prevalent.

I think what is most interesting about the fallout of this report is what it means for Barry Bonds and the discussion of asterisks and the Hall of Fame.  While this is a pretty dark day for baseball, you have to think that Barry Bonds might consider this the best of his life.  You see, it was rather easy to place a heavy hand on Bonds since no one likes him as a person, but people do tend to hold Clemens, one of the greatest pitchers of all time, with at least some level of respect.  So if you ban Bonds from the hall of fame and remove (or at least asterisk) his face from the record books, then you have to do the same for Roger Clemens and every other player whose guilty of doing the same because the precedent has been set.  

Yeah, I wish Mitchel wouldn't have opened his mouth either.

Patriots: Perfect No More?

Up until Sunday night, I was all but convinced that the Patriots were headed to a 19-0 season. I wasn't convinced because of their amazingly lethal offense, or their ability to play strong in the fourth quarter. I was convinced because of their ignorance. The Patriots and their fearless players had me severely doubting over the past 14 weeks whether they even had the words perfection and undefeated in their vocabulary. I saw an interview last week with Wes Welker in which Wes point blank told the reporter he had never thought about going 19-0 in a season, and simply gave a puzzled look when asked if he thought it was possible for him and his team to do it this year. His defiance had me wondering if he even knew how the NFL determined who wins and loses at the end of the day. Who knows, maybe Wes really doesn't know what a touchdown is and only knows to stop because he hears a whistle.  Or maybe he is actually as dumb as his mustache makes him look.

Anyway, the Patriots had been flawless in denying any thoughts of perfection until last night, when Ty Warren opened his big mouth.  This only began the snowball effect because offensive tackle Matt "The Lumberjack" Light admitted that going undefeated would be a pretty cool thing on PTI yesterday.  Now because of these two idiots the jinx has been set, and Patriots are going to lose. Maybe not this week, or next, but they will lose and fall short of that glorious perfection. I know, it's tragic and sad, but the wheels have been put into motion and there is no stopping them.  I guess there is always next year, Pats fans.

Okay, so it's Ohio State vs. LSU

Basically, everything I said about this matchup a month ago still holds true. Here are my BCS bowl predictions, and since none of this will happen until a month from now, none of you will remember this anyways.

BCS national championship game: LSU crushes Ohio State.
Rose Bowl: USC crushes Illinois. This one is going to be the biggest Rose Bowl blowout since the last time Illinois played in it (1984, UCLA 45, Illinois 9).
Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma vs. West Virginia. I'm predicting this to be the best BCS bowl game of the five. Other than the championship game, this is the only other bowl game featuring two winners from the six major conferences. Both of these teams looked like powerhouses when they won, but very vulnerable when they lost. If both teams show up, this one will be a classic. I'm taking Oklahoma, simply because West Virginia might have a tough time accepting the fact that they let Pitt knock them out of the title game.
Sugar Bowl: Hawaii vs. Georgia. If the Fiesta Bowl will be the best, the Sugar Bowl will be the most interesting. Hawaii will show up, but they're facing Georgia, a team who has beaten a ridiculous number of ranked teams. My brain says Georgia, my gut says Hawaii . . . then again that might be the nachos talking . . . I guess I'll take Georgia.
Orange Bowl: Kansas vs. Virginia Tech. This one should turn out to be high-scoring, but I don't think Kansas can make it all that close. Their defense was downright embarrassing against Missouri. I'll take V.T. in 42-27 game.

Other games of interest to me: every game featuring a Big Ten school vs. an SEC school. I put myself out there a month ago, and I'm sticking to my guns. This year the Big Ten will go 0 for 3 in bowl games against the SEC. Other than the title game, Michigan will get shellacked by Florida in the Capital One Bowl (I hope they bring out some new David Spade commercials for that one, I miss he and trusty sidekick Nate Torrence "just saying no"), and Tennessee should be able to handle Wisconsin in the Outback Bowl. When you throw in the Rose Bowl, this makes the Big Ten 0 for 4 in bowl games taking place on or after New Year's Day! Ouch!!!